Friday, May 31, 2013

Mixxed Marriage

I guess I'm the lone dissenter here. I have also been in a mixed marriage for just over two years, and have not found it to be an insurmountable obstacle at all. I also poured over these specific CCC articles in my own marriage prep, and it does read that a mixed marriage is not impossible "when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each the ways in which each lives in fidelity to Christ." The key here in OPEN Communication and honesty about our faith, and being unafraid to share it.

In daily practice that means we do learn from each other and respect each other. We are also not afraid to pray together even though we both follow different denominations. I have learned his family prayers, and he has taken the time to learn mine as well--such as our dinner prayer. We may discuss/debate our difference, but we both make Christ the center of our marriage. Those debates also keep me honest in my walk with God too, and making sure my motivations toward religion are good ones. Likewise, being married to a non-Catholic has encouraged me to learn about my faith and apologetics.... so that I can explain it/understand why we do things the way we do to my husband and his family (Such as learning to explain how the Mass is very biblical to those who follow sola scriptura, or answering the question, "what does tradition ACTUALLY mean?")

Very often my husband comes to Mass with me, and very much enjoys it. However part of this may have to do that he grew up in a denomination with a similar worship structure...a fact which has eased this transition. My priest, who married us, loves seeing him at Mass when he comes too. William knows he is welcomed there. When he was stationed in Iraq he even found he enjoyed going Mass much more than the contemporary generic Christian worship style services offered to Protestants at his base.

I'm not trying to say that a Mixed Marriage is easy. It's a challenge, for sure. I see my husband's face when he stays at the pew when I go up to receive the Eucharist every week. Our Holy Week gets crazier than usual as we balance two churches. However, as my husband's own denomination has been facing yet another split, he has been able to find some solace in the Mass too. I find that he does have someplace to go, a blessing, even as he turns down the idea of converting. As the Catholic in the marriage, I do understand that part of being his wife is showing him the love my Church has to offer. Maybe one day he'll be Catholic, and maybe he won't. I respect his decision either way.

So, while a Mixed Marriage may not be "better" it can still be worth it, as long as the conversations are happening that allow the couple to find their commonalities in Christ. My own Mixed Marriage still happened in the Church, is still Sacramental, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It works because we make Christ the Center in all and We are not afraid to discuss and have the difficult conversations. For me, it has been very much "worth it." I have a husband who loves me, supports me, encourages me in all that I do, and in the larger scheme of it, where each of us goes to church on Sunday is a small part of who we are, because there are so many more ways to live out our faith. He encourages me to both bible-study and
pray my rosary because he knows that ultimately they are good for me, even is he doesn't always agree with some of the theology behind it.

For any couple who might be considering a mixed marriage, I would say it will only work IF both parties are asking the tough questions of themselves and each other regarding their own faith and how they intend to share it and live it. I would tell them to make Christ the center, no matter what. It takes honesty, integrity, and communication. Any couple, regardless of belief needs to have that discussion anyway.