"Awake from your slumber! Arise from your sleep!
A new day is dawning for all those who weep.
The people in darkness have seen a great light.
The Lord of our longing has conquered the night."
~A City of God, hymn by Daniel L. Schutte
Yesterday was a marvelously peaceful and restful Sabbath, the likes of which I have not had the opportunity to have for some time. And at the center of it was a marvelous blueberry pancake and hot apple breakfast with my fiance, his sister and her boyfriend while lighting our first Advent candle of the season, the Candle of Hope in a time of darkness. Our little study included passages from John's Gospel, "In the beginning was the Light....," and then onto Psalms singing of the darkness and clinging to God. And Isaiah's words are always appropriate to this season. However, after the candles were snuffed out, I read the Gospel for that Sunday that I would have heard at mass had the fiance felt better: Mathew 24, 37- 44.
It's a passage that reminds us that the hour of HIS next coming could come at any moment, by utter surprise, when we least expect it. The passage is an alarm, a warning. Everything else we read points to the darkness that has enveloped the earth, and that darkness includes what lays within our very hearts. It is a reminder that my heart has a lot of preparation before I can be ready to fully embrace the Incarnation that is coming, before I can be one of those to be taken to the New Earth. There is much work to do to ready the party scene.
On the outside that could look like hanging decorations for the season to come, or in my case, as a student, it looks like wrapping up overdue projects..... but inside the depths of ourselves? That takes the courage to lift up our eyes to our Lord and ask for him. It takes a Sacrament, It takes Reconciliation. And after that, it takes Hope to maintain our dignity in the dark.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Tis the Season
Christmas seems to come earlier and earlier in the these days, especially in the realm of commercial shopping where now it feels even Thanksgiving gets forgotten about, even though the day we mean to celebrate is at the end of the year. Many of my friends have already decorated their own homes for the holidays, decked complete with fake plastic evergreen boughs and happy banners, and yet I can't help but mourn.....mourn the death of an entire season.
Advent.
Advent, for any one who is new to the concept, is the four weeks that many Christians use to prepare their hearts to receive the miracle on the incarnation of Christ. It is a time to remember that there was a time on this earth before Jesus came to die for us and that many were living only with the promise of a Messiah to save them. It is a time where Christians remember and read the prophetic texts of the Old Testament which hint at what is to come. All this is meant to make the actual day of Christmas that much more fuller, that much more meaningful, because God, in fact, did come down to earth in human form and he came disguised for a time as a poor child to a young unwed mother. This season of 'waiting' is also a reminder that as a Christian people today we are also 'waiting' for Christ's second coming.
The first week of Advent also marks the start of the Christian liturgical year.
I often celebrate this time by preparing my home and my heart for him. And I often center my home worship with an Advent wreath, which I try to make my only Christmas decoration adorning my apartment for as long as I can.
There is this thing I have noticed over the past few years I have spent in the American evangelical protestant church culture: an inherent lack of the acknowledgment of seasons. Christmas and Easter celebrations seem to come only as interruptions in the current preacher series, and only rarely have I seen any kind of spiritual preparation made to prepare our hearts for the weight and the gift of these two days. Should a Christian at some these traditions/denominations choose to participate in the sacrifice of pre-Easter fasting, they most often do so at their own accord, not within the communion of their communities, separating themselves from their local bodies of Christ. And in this, there seems to have been a deep cultural forgetting of these times of preparation, but also of the true celebration of Christmas. Luckily, some protestants have been fighting back with things like the Advent Conspiracy, which seek to spread our American wealth to those who need in and remember the point of the season is about Christ, after all.
In my own home, I try to wait to put up my Christmas boughs and holly until closer to Christmas, but I keep them up when many of my Christian and secular brothers and sisters have already taken them down.
Does anyone remember that the Christmas season is liturgically remembered until 12 days AFTER Christmas, not before, culminating in the Feast of the Epiphany, when the Christ-child is taken before the temple and visited by the old wise men on January 6, and then about a week later when we celebrate Christ's baptism. I mourn that when this day has come the world has already forgotten and taken down their boughs and holly......just at the time we should be celebrating! I take as an example a cafe I used to work at, who last year ordered all Christmas decorations be removed on Christmas Eve, so that when they opened their doors the day after Christmas, it was already Ordinary time to them again.
I don't mean to be all up in my rant. But this bugs me. And it deeply bugs me that as many Christians have limited their seasonal celebrations of Christ's life to only two times a year, they have allowed themselves to be caught up in the commercial seasons of the holidays rather than the historically sensitive liturgical ones. As a Roman Catholic, I LOVE love love that we celebrate the life of Christ with the seasons of the year, and allow ourselves whole seasons to remember what Christ did for us during his ministry on earth. And I appreciate that there are Christians who still live within this rhythm, Lutherans and Anglicans and Orthodox among them.
Next week is the last feast of the Christian liturgical calender: The Feast of Christ the King. And then, over Thanksgiving weekend, I will light the first Advent wreath candle, the candle of prophecy and anticipation. And I am looking forward to celebrating that this year more than the hype of the commercial side of the holiday.
Oh, and you won't see me deck my halls until after the season of anticipation has started, my own way of rebelling against a season of corporate greed which tries to rush one of the most beautiful times of the year.
Waiting can be a most holy cleansing process in and of itself, if we let it. Waiting gives beauty to the gift we are preparing to receive.
Advent.
Advent, for any one who is new to the concept, is the four weeks that many Christians use to prepare their hearts to receive the miracle on the incarnation of Christ. It is a time to remember that there was a time on this earth before Jesus came to die for us and that many were living only with the promise of a Messiah to save them. It is a time where Christians remember and read the prophetic texts of the Old Testament which hint at what is to come. All this is meant to make the actual day of Christmas that much more fuller, that much more meaningful, because God, in fact, did come down to earth in human form and he came disguised for a time as a poor child to a young unwed mother. This season of 'waiting' is also a reminder that as a Christian people today we are also 'waiting' for Christ's second coming.
The first week of Advent also marks the start of the Christian liturgical year.
I often celebrate this time by preparing my home and my heart for him. And I often center my home worship with an Advent wreath, which I try to make my only Christmas decoration adorning my apartment for as long as I can.
There is this thing I have noticed over the past few years I have spent in the American evangelical protestant church culture: an inherent lack of the acknowledgment of seasons. Christmas and Easter celebrations seem to come only as interruptions in the current preacher series, and only rarely have I seen any kind of spiritual preparation made to prepare our hearts for the weight and the gift of these two days. Should a Christian at some these traditions/denominations choose to participate in the sacrifice of pre-Easter fasting, they most often do so at their own accord, not within the communion of their communities, separating themselves from their local bodies of Christ. And in this, there seems to have been a deep cultural forgetting of these times of preparation, but also of the true celebration of Christmas. Luckily, some protestants have been fighting back with things like the Advent Conspiracy, which seek to spread our American wealth to those who need in and remember the point of the season is about Christ, after all.
In my own home, I try to wait to put up my Christmas boughs and holly until closer to Christmas, but I keep them up when many of my Christian and secular brothers and sisters have already taken them down.
Does anyone remember that the Christmas season is liturgically remembered until 12 days AFTER Christmas, not before, culminating in the Feast of the Epiphany, when the Christ-child is taken before the temple and visited by the old wise men on January 6, and then about a week later when we celebrate Christ's baptism. I mourn that when this day has come the world has already forgotten and taken down their boughs and holly......just at the time we should be celebrating! I take as an example a cafe I used to work at, who last year ordered all Christmas decorations be removed on Christmas Eve, so that when they opened their doors the day after Christmas, it was already Ordinary time to them again.
I don't mean to be all up in my rant. But this bugs me. And it deeply bugs me that as many Christians have limited their seasonal celebrations of Christ's life to only two times a year, they have allowed themselves to be caught up in the commercial seasons of the holidays rather than the historically sensitive liturgical ones. As a Roman Catholic, I LOVE love love that we celebrate the life of Christ with the seasons of the year, and allow ourselves whole seasons to remember what Christ did for us during his ministry on earth. And I appreciate that there are Christians who still live within this rhythm, Lutherans and Anglicans and Orthodox among them.
Next week is the last feast of the Christian liturgical calender: The Feast of Christ the King. And then, over Thanksgiving weekend, I will light the first Advent wreath candle, the candle of prophecy and anticipation. And I am looking forward to celebrating that this year more than the hype of the commercial side of the holiday.
Oh, and you won't see me deck my halls until after the season of anticipation has started, my own way of rebelling against a season of corporate greed which tries to rush one of the most beautiful times of the year.
Waiting can be a most holy cleansing process in and of itself, if we let it. Waiting gives beauty to the gift we are preparing to receive.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Doubt and Certainty and the Quiet of God
October has been quite the month.
I apologize for my silence. While I truly have no excuse in regards to counting my own thoughts, it has indeed been busy around here. My fiance has returned from Iraq and we have been readjusting to one another. As a result, wedding planning in on hold while major issues are questioned and we both rediscover both each other but our relationship in our dually very changed lives.
And simultaneously, for the past month, I have been dealing with Doubt, and by Doubt I mean some deep dark night of the soul kind of doubt about our existence as human beings and a church.
Doubt isn't necessarily a bad thing. As we dig deeper into the profound reality of God, doubts often are a sign of growing faith, rather than a lack of it. When we question, often the very nature of God himself, we become seekers in the fullest sense of word. We struggle for understanding, but as long as we continue to knock on the door of faith by reading, asking, thinking, praying, we are on a path toward deeper understanding of God's depth.
I have been knocking. At first, I didn't realize it. At first, I panicked. I thought, 'oh my, what am I doing here? Is this even real?' only to find myself quietly breaking down my faith to its core......which I am sad to say meant leaving "spiritual activity" behind for a few weeks to meditate with my Christ in the silence of my heart.
Even though our Christian faith is meant to be a very corporal, community based practice, sometimes retreat into the nothing is necessary to maintain our relationship with God. As Americans, it is trend to forget ourselves in the busy noise of our lives, even the spiritual noise of weekly services and prayer groups which are all too often crammed into busy schedules of work, school, kids when we have them. And the result is that we barely have true time for one another much less ourselves and much less our God. Think. How many times have you sat in church listening to the Pastor or Priest's message only to have no real time to meditate on it because you had someplace to be the following hour, perhaps a family potluck or party? How many times has debating specific theological points gotten in the way of God's love? How many times as the noise of life overtaken you?
While God did make the Sabbath for mankind, many of us have little concept of what a true Sabbath truly is. It is rest. It is quiet communion with our maker. Jesus was aware of this need. He retreated often into the wilderness to 'lose' the crowd of followers, sometimes taking only his closest friends with him just so that he can return to his roots and be a better leader. Rest, simply, prevents burn out and the sins which can follow when our bodies and minds become weak to the noise.
I think that's exactly what has been happening to me. Between a part time job and more than full time academic life, my only time with my maker would come from weekly service and weekly small group. Being as the service was contemporary in style, when I seek quiet, it only comes across as noise. While I am not going to reprimand anyone for enjoying a contemporary service, and even enjoy their joyful noise for the Lord on occasion, I was raised enjoying the quiet of a more ancient style of liturgy, one which acknowledges the silence and leaves me in quiet contemplation. Because of my 'busy-ness' quiet contemplation is precisely what my heart has been crying for.
Granted part of this could be a collision of the variation of the faith life of Catholics to your more evangelical sects, as the expected amount of time put into each faith life differs sometimes dramatically. Perhaps it's an issue of the flavor of our relationship with God ---- which is very much an open handed issue and does not make one more or less a Christian. Maybe the only issue is that I am an introvert, who needs God to be my regeneration in my daily life as in my church life.
While I wholly believe we should be in community and that we should be in the word, I don't think the answer is constant 'spiritual activity.' If we aren't careful, we often leave our non-Christian neighbors by the wayside if the only activity we pursue takes place with other Christians. I can remember the many times over the past few years that I have turned my best friend down for the true love of just spending time with her and her husband solely because I had some church activity to go to. I repent of the chances I had to share the gospel with her that I turned down in favor of a service that could have been made up later.
I have also been having to deal with varieties of often opposing theological viewpoints crowding out my quiet times mentally, which is quiet troubling, leading me to question everything down to the goodness of God. So I am going to come clean, now that I have had the time to deal with and battle out my belief and disbelief.
So that is why I am retreating. I am dropping the 'spiritual activity' for a time in order to return to the roots, to return to what called me toward Christ in the first place, to filter out the theological noise to focus on the Good News. And boy, I have been reading. And asking. And knocking. And while part of this looks like going back to Catholic Mass for now, it also includes reading my bible on my own more than I have in a long while. I even have a few friends who have heard my doubts and have nudged me back toward what is important: love --- and my roots --- and to them I am grateful. I will continue to seek and to knock and search for the place God has set aside for me, wherever that is in the here and the now. But I won't know without searching.
In the meantime, I am, however, certain of this:
Christ died for my sins, on the cross, and in his resurrection he defeated the death which results from sin.
Christ died for the WHOLE WORLD, not just me, and his gift was free for me, or anyone else to take or leave, because God left mankind with Free Will and wanted us, all along, to choose him willingly. Because of Christ, we have the option of forgiveness in God's eyes (THIS, people, is the GOOD NEWS). And in pursuing sainthood, which is relationship with Christ and forgiveness of sins, I will be saved from death and have everlasting life with my Father in heaven. I am certain of the Trinity, of the Virgin Birth, and of the dual nature of Christ as both fully man and fully divine.
As a Roman Catholic by birth and choice, I look to the Testament of all the above as evidenced in both the Scriptures and our Traditions. By Traditions I do not just mean rituals and liturgies, I also mean a very rich, ever complex two thousand year history of martyrs, saints and scholars through which I can look to when interpreting the holy scriptures, as well as look to the Holy Spirit which dwells in me and all Christians since the days of Pentecost.
I am also certain of the unchanging Goodness of God.
Of all else, of all the extras in dogma or theology, I may not be certain of, but maybe I don't need to be as long as my foundation is secure. I'll let you know where it takes me.
I apologize for my silence. While I truly have no excuse in regards to counting my own thoughts, it has indeed been busy around here. My fiance has returned from Iraq and we have been readjusting to one another. As a result, wedding planning in on hold while major issues are questioned and we both rediscover both each other but our relationship in our dually very changed lives.
And simultaneously, for the past month, I have been dealing with Doubt, and by Doubt I mean some deep dark night of the soul kind of doubt about our existence as human beings and a church.
Doubt isn't necessarily a bad thing. As we dig deeper into the profound reality of God, doubts often are a sign of growing faith, rather than a lack of it. When we question, often the very nature of God himself, we become seekers in the fullest sense of word. We struggle for understanding, but as long as we continue to knock on the door of faith by reading, asking, thinking, praying, we are on a path toward deeper understanding of God's depth.
I have been knocking. At first, I didn't realize it. At first, I panicked. I thought, 'oh my, what am I doing here? Is this even real?' only to find myself quietly breaking down my faith to its core......which I am sad to say meant leaving "spiritual activity" behind for a few weeks to meditate with my Christ in the silence of my heart.
Even though our Christian faith is meant to be a very corporal, community based practice, sometimes retreat into the nothing is necessary to maintain our relationship with God. As Americans, it is trend to forget ourselves in the busy noise of our lives, even the spiritual noise of weekly services and prayer groups which are all too often crammed into busy schedules of work, school, kids when we have them. And the result is that we barely have true time for one another much less ourselves and much less our God. Think. How many times have you sat in church listening to the Pastor or Priest's message only to have no real time to meditate on it because you had someplace to be the following hour, perhaps a family potluck or party? How many times has debating specific theological points gotten in the way of God's love? How many times as the noise of life overtaken you?
While God did make the Sabbath for mankind, many of us have little concept of what a true Sabbath truly is. It is rest. It is quiet communion with our maker. Jesus was aware of this need. He retreated often into the wilderness to 'lose' the crowd of followers, sometimes taking only his closest friends with him just so that he can return to his roots and be a better leader. Rest, simply, prevents burn out and the sins which can follow when our bodies and minds become weak to the noise.
I think that's exactly what has been happening to me. Between a part time job and more than full time academic life, my only time with my maker would come from weekly service and weekly small group. Being as the service was contemporary in style, when I seek quiet, it only comes across as noise. While I am not going to reprimand anyone for enjoying a contemporary service, and even enjoy their joyful noise for the Lord on occasion, I was raised enjoying the quiet of a more ancient style of liturgy, one which acknowledges the silence and leaves me in quiet contemplation. Because of my 'busy-ness' quiet contemplation is precisely what my heart has been crying for.
Granted part of this could be a collision of the variation of the faith life of Catholics to your more evangelical sects, as the expected amount of time put into each faith life differs sometimes dramatically. Perhaps it's an issue of the flavor of our relationship with God ---- which is very much an open handed issue and does not make one more or less a Christian. Maybe the only issue is that I am an introvert, who needs God to be my regeneration in my daily life as in my church life.
While I wholly believe we should be in community and that we should be in the word, I don't think the answer is constant 'spiritual activity.' If we aren't careful, we often leave our non-Christian neighbors by the wayside if the only activity we pursue takes place with other Christians. I can remember the many times over the past few years that I have turned my best friend down for the true love of just spending time with her and her husband solely because I had some church activity to go to. I repent of the chances I had to share the gospel with her that I turned down in favor of a service that could have been made up later.
I have also been having to deal with varieties of often opposing theological viewpoints crowding out my quiet times mentally, which is quiet troubling, leading me to question everything down to the goodness of God. So I am going to come clean, now that I have had the time to deal with and battle out my belief and disbelief.
So that is why I am retreating. I am dropping the 'spiritual activity' for a time in order to return to the roots, to return to what called me toward Christ in the first place, to filter out the theological noise to focus on the Good News. And boy, I have been reading. And asking. And knocking. And while part of this looks like going back to Catholic Mass for now, it also includes reading my bible on my own more than I have in a long while. I even have a few friends who have heard my doubts and have nudged me back toward what is important: love --- and my roots --- and to them I am grateful. I will continue to seek and to knock and search for the place God has set aside for me, wherever that is in the here and the now. But I won't know without searching.
In the meantime, I am, however, certain of this:
Christ died for my sins, on the cross, and in his resurrection he defeated the death which results from sin.
Christ died for the WHOLE WORLD, not just me, and his gift was free for me, or anyone else to take or leave, because God left mankind with Free Will and wanted us, all along, to choose him willingly. Because of Christ, we have the option of forgiveness in God's eyes (THIS, people, is the GOOD NEWS). And in pursuing sainthood, which is relationship with Christ and forgiveness of sins, I will be saved from death and have everlasting life with my Father in heaven. I am certain of the Trinity, of the Virgin Birth, and of the dual nature of Christ as both fully man and fully divine.
As a Roman Catholic by birth and choice, I look to the Testament of all the above as evidenced in both the Scriptures and our Traditions. By Traditions I do not just mean rituals and liturgies, I also mean a very rich, ever complex two thousand year history of martyrs, saints and scholars through which I can look to when interpreting the holy scriptures, as well as look to the Holy Spirit which dwells in me and all Christians since the days of Pentecost.
I am also certain of the unchanging Goodness of God.
Of all else, of all the extras in dogma or theology, I may not be certain of, but maybe I don't need to be as long as my foundation is secure. I'll let you know where it takes me.
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